Chapter Fifty One: You're A Dream To Me
First kisses…
Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t they supposed to be AMAZING? Like, heart stopping, mind blowing, breathe taking?
…Because if they are, someone please tell me where I went wrong.
My first kiss was utterly disgusting.
It literally felt as if I was being swallowed. I was drowning in spit, and…
I. Could. Not. Breathe.
It would’ve been the worst memory ever if not for the person who gave it to me…
~~~~~~~~~~
“Wait, so, you have a brother?” I asked, my eyebrow rising along with the pitch of my voice.
A boy behind Aztec glanced over at me shyly, and upon making eye contact, we both averted our eyes quickly, raising them only to catch each other staring again.
“Yup,” Aztec said.
“Since when?”
“Well, he’s my twin brother… I’ve had him for awhile.”
I crossed my arms, hating the fact that as long as I had known Aztec, I never knew he had a brother – much less a twin.
“How come you never told me?” I accused.
Aztec shrugged, “He lived with my pop, so we grew up on opposite ends of the world. He was always more of the life that should’ve been… You know, if I hadn’t had to move over here when I was younger due to being sick.”
I felt my heart soften, “You mean… You two were separated so you could get treatments?”
He shook his head as his brother looked at his watch, “Yup. I was the sick one, and my mom didn’t want to see both her sons hurting – one due to pain, one to watching the other in pain. So, she just took me and left him with dad.”
“Well, how come he came over now?” I asked, confused.
His brother interrupted us, his accent like a melody to my ears, “Where is dee baffrooooom?”
Aztec pointed to a building across the park and his brother smiled and walked away, then he turned back me and pulled his lips into a tight line, “I guess my mom figured that we might as well get to know each other before my time is up.”
I felt my heart constrict, “It came back?”
Aztec nodded slowly.
I breathed sharply, “You can beat it.”
Everybody needs inspiration, everybody needs a song; a beautiful melody when the nights are so long.
He cringed, “I’m not so sure of that myself, Twitter.”
I shut my eyes, “Don’t you dare talk like that.”
“It hurts, Twitter…”
“Then fight it!”
“I AM!” he shouted. “Every single day of my life! And you know what? I’m tired of it! I can’t do it anymore!”
'Cause there is no guarantee, that this life is easy.
“Yes you can…” I whispered.
“No, I can’t. I might as well just give up. There isn’t much of a point. I’m going to lose in the end,” he stated, slumping his head.
“But… But they have medicine!” I screeched, “Take the medicine, and you’ll be fine, you just have to take it!” I hollered, my voice dying out at the end with tears and sobs.
Yeah, when my world is falling apart, when there's no light to break up the dark, that's when I look at you.
Aztec, as if in a trance, snapped out of his depressional state as soon as my tears fell.
He stood in front of me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, comforting me when he was the one that was sick. “It wouldn’t help,” he murmured.
When the waves are flooding the shore and I can't find my way home any more, that's when I look at you.
“Yes it would!” I whimpered, digging my head in his shoulder, “It’s medicine, medicine will help everything, and then you’ll get better, and…”
“It’s too late for me, Twitter,” he whispered. “It’s been a long battle that in the end I’m just not cut out to win.”
“But you can’t leave me.”
He squeezed me tighter, “You know I don’t want to…”
“Then take the medicine, at least try to get better! You never know…” I whispered, my eyes blinking away tears, my voice thick – my mind already knowing that my words would go on already decided ears, but trying futilely to change his mind anyways.
When I look at you, I see forgiveness, I see the truth.
“I do know,” he cut in. “I’ve been struggling with this my entire life. It goes away, and then it comes back. I don’t want to spend my final months – or however long I have – on medicine. That’s all I’ve ever done. I want to spend them freely; aware of every moment I have left. I want to spend it with you, with my brother, with Leo. With everything good in my life.”
You love me for who I am; like the stars hold the moon - right there where they belong and I know I'm not alone.
His voice shook. “You know what cancer is like, Twitter?” He asked, his voice going dark, “Cancer is a puppeteer, knowing exactly which strings of mine to pull.”
“But…”
“But nothing, Twitter. I’ve accepted this… We’ve both known this day would come sooner or later.”
Yeah when my world is falling apart, when there's no light to break up the dark, that's when I look at you.
As I looked into his eyes, I was struck with the knowledge that I was no longer seeing Aztec, and instead, a fighter who had the horrific burden of knowing in the end, he would only lose. “I’m going to miss you so much,” I sniffled, my voice barely audible, my head burying itself in his shoulder.
When the waves are flooding the shore and I can't find my way home any more, that's when I look at you.
We stood wrapped in one another’s arms until a voice said, “I deeeeed not knnnoow that she was your girrrlfran?”
On the word of girlfriend, I automatically tried to pull back, my mind panicking at the mere mention of the word. But, while I tried to pull away, Aztec tightened his grip around me, holding me to his small yet firm chest, letting a laugh escape his lips.
I glanced over at his brother, who looked at me, a small tinge of… disappointment in his eyes. “I am going to gooo call a frannnn,” he said quickly, excusing himself.
Aztec loosened his grip them and he smiled down at me, leaning in, resting his lips on my temple, “Thank you for making what little life I had worthwhile.”
You appear, just like a dream to me; just like kaleidoscope colors that covers me.
~~~~~~~~~
He was dropping me off at home. He had walked me, of course, for neither one of us could drive yet. But, that was ok. The whole car thing – you know, being at least a foot off the ground, going 70 miles per hour – kind of freaked me out. So, walking was how I got to places, and Aztec got to places with me, so we walked.
Of course, we walked in silence – he didn’t start conversation, and how do you say something to a boy who just admitted he loved you, and that he was going to die soon, all in the same conversation?
As we neared my house, Aztec intertwined his fingers with mine, squeezing them ever so slightly. I dropped my head and stared at the ground, afraid that if he saw me, he would see the blushing cheeks and fast beating heart.
All I need, every breath that I breathe – don’t you know you’re beautiful?
“You look beautiful in the moonlight,” he whispered.
My mouth went dry, “Uh…. Thanks.”
We reached my door and he put his fingers through my hair, “Thought you were going to grow your hair out?”
I shrugged in response.
Aztec shook his head and stood there, then he eyed me. “Did I make things awkward back there?”
I shook my head no – total lie on my behalf.
He put his hands in his pockets, “Twitter, can I try something?”
“Sure,” I chirped.
He took a deep breath and glanced up at the starts, then his eyes focused on me, his honey orange eyes melting me to the spot with the amount of tenderness and care he put into them.
“Just don’t back away until I’m done, ok?” he asked.
“Uhhh…”
When the waves are flooding the shore and I can't find my way home any more, that's when I look at you.
I didn’t have time to form my whole response before his lips were crashing down on mine. I could feel his lips fumble on my mouth, his tongue foolishly not knowing what to do. I couldn’t breathe, and it felt as if he was suffocating me. It was then that I realized the worst part of it all.
My eyes were open. Weren’t they supposed to be closed? Quickly, I slammed my eyes closed. There’s one problem fixed.
This was NOT what movies had prepared me for.
Were was the song of triumph? The fireworks? The confetti going everywhere?
Did I get NONE of that?
If so, I want a refund.
But, I guess in some movies, things are always made worse when people see them.
Personally, I wish I had gotten the confetti instead.
Would’ve made my life so much simpler.
You appear just like a dream to me…
Lyrics by Miley Cyrus; “When I Look At You”